surprised, and a bit irritated, by grace

In coming back to Korea, I thought it would be kinda like the first time I came:
confusing (b/c I missed my family, but chose to move to Korea)
scary (b/c the future had so many unfamiliar and unknown things)
LOTS of crying

As my bus arrived in my city, it was (still is) confusing, a tiny bit scary, and the next few days had it's share of crying, but I realized something: It didn't feel like I was coming back to Korea (the land of wonder, mystery, excitement, and unknown), but coming back to, dare I say, "home." My second home, my home away from home. I saw the familiar bus terminal, coffee shops, family marts...I knew the routine of getting off the bus, going to the double doors on the right, coming out front, and getting a taxi to the far right of the terminal. Just the normal routine of getting home from the bus terminal--then it hit me--living in Korea had "normals" in it for me. There are a handful of things (taking the bus, taxi, grocery shopping, getting around town, walking to school, meeting up with friends...) that were very normal...this was comforting and not comforting, at the same time. "Wait," I thought. "how am I supposed to be miserable b/c I am away from my family if I am peacefully planning out my grocery shopping list, coffee dates with friends, and laundry/cleaning."
It's like I was irritated that the Lord has given me the grace to live life in Korea. Isn't that odd? I think my reasoning was: if you love, care, and miss someone, you will be miserable most of the time when you are apart. Like...your ache to be at home will paralyze your joy, peace, and overall desire to fully LIVE. Can I miss home and still thrive in Korea? Am I thriving now? Am I holding myself back from thriving because I've made up my mind that it doesn't make sense to live to the fullest when my heart hurts? Am I overusing the word "thriving"? ;)


I am still processing this (I've only been back for 11 days), but I am praying the Lord will give me more revelation of His peace and GRACE. I believe I can thrive here and the fact that I love and miss home, don't know Korean fluently and can't really remember street names cannot and WILL NOT make or break the fact that I am called to live life to the fullest. No matter where I am, not matter what I am going through--bad AND good, God is good and I get be loved by Him and love Him back. He is everything and I can do nothing without Him and EVERYTHING with Him^^ Siiiigh, but I still miss my family...but that's okay--it would be weird not to--THEY ARE AWESOME.  I'd post a picture of my family, but current family photos (and I mean all 15 of us together) are VERY valuable and rare--only to be introduced in Christmas cards form, not in blogs.

John 10:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Zephaniah 3:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷ The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

The other day when I was in America...

The other day when I was in America I realized a few things:
1. I am a pretty good cook, I'm getting better at drawing, but I tell you what, I am GREAT at being an American. I think every country's culture is like a song and dance and I didn't know I was even doing this song and dance until I came back from a land where I get the lyrics wrong, step on people's feet, and am just completely clueless most of the time. Then I stand back and watch people seamlessly step to the rhythm of the land--not just language, but little gestures, sounds, understanding etc. It's like they grew up watching people around them gracefully move through life to this song and dance in their heart--oh, wait, they did ;)
But, so did I. When I came back to the States it was like I could finally let out a sigh. A sigh of "ah, I know this dance." everything is so predictable. In the grocery store, conversation with people--even the flow of traffic along the 5. It's not like I know what's going to happen or that nothing surprises me, but I'm familiar with the type of unexpected.

2. I like talking to people and hearing their story. One of the hardest things about not knowing Korean fluently is not being able to chat with anyone I may come in contact with. I think it's just fun chatting with bank clerks, grocery store checkers, other customer in the store, people on the street. Small talk or deep conversation--I like it all. As long as there is weather, sports, holidays, food, and you (perfect stranger) I will be talking to you^^

3. I LOVE Big Train Chai, Dr. Pepper, bubble tea, Tim's Jalapeno chips, Metro Market's coconut white chocolate mocha, and my mom spaghetti and macaroni (they're bomb).

4. I have a wonderful church, great friends, and fantastic family. Homestretch in Korea, but, man--you guys are great and I miss you, Tacoma peeps :'(

5. It's confusing to be in a land you've wanted to be for so long, while at the same time, ache to be back home with loved ones.

The perfect day at school?

"Make Your Own Game" lesson.  They were really creative^^

School was just like Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way."

It was the first day of my winter classes: two 45 minute morning classes (11-12 students each) and one 2 hour class (10 students), 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Quite the contrast to only teaching the same class once a week (30-34 students in each class). Also, it was nice to see humans in my class since last week was me, lesson planning, and a loud heater (for which I am grateful).

I was a bit nervous to have so much time and so few students. More time to practice English one on one, but much more material needed to fill the time.

Class was practically perfect in every way, not because it was super easy (it wasn't), but because it was challenging, fun (my students are so funny!), not a struggle to get their attention (for the most part, I think they're here by choice), and I can do projects because I have the same students day after day.  I think their English could get a lot better in the next few weeks and that's really exciting!
A few hi-lights so far:
-Taking roll (I am actually learning their names!!)
-Playing LIFE--they are so funny.  It is not a game, it's REAL.
-Correcting response papers--it's so interesting hearing their opinions on different topics.
-Hearing them speak in English--the more I learn Korean, the more I am impressed with my MIDDLE SCHOOL students learning a foreign language and getting pretty good at it, too!  ESPECIALLY English because it's such a...complex (to put it mildly) language with pronunciation and grammar and aaaaall these exceptions to rules--gah! I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for the English language..."I'm sorry, this is a weird rule, but..."
-Sometimes they will start to say something in Korean and I'll say "Wait, wait!  In English, please..." and then they'll let out a siiiigh, say it in English AND this one time, my student repeated the same thing (I assume) really fast in Korean under her breath^^

P.S. I kinda pictured that this is what my job would be like (all year round) before I came to Korea...600+ students and a lot of grace from God later :D Reeefiner's fire!!  PraiseTheLord.

I went to the Philippines for Christmas!

The Lord is full of surprises for his kids.  This Christmas was full of surprises for me.  I viewed Christmas weekend as a lonely, away from my family, why did I ever come to Korea kind of holiday, but the Lord has something else in mind.

Let me preface this by telling you that my family sent me some Christmas presents and when I opened them I cried (and I mean hard).  I was so sad to be missing Christmas at home and figured misery was my doom (okay, that's a little dramatic, I know...;).

A dear friend from church graciously extended an invitation to spend Christmas in Seoul with her, her cousin (and family), and another friend of ours.  My two friends are from the Philippines and told me I could be apart of their Filipino Christmas!

I want to tell you every little detail, but I know you probably have better things to do than read 20 pages of my Christmas.  So here are some highlights:

Our Christmas Eve dinner party composed of my two friends, friend's cousin, her husband, her two kids and me.  We played games (provided by each adult) and had prizes and sang the 12 days of Christmas and Jingle Bells (only the first two verses and the chorus--that song is SO long).  We had a fantastic Filipino dinner (SO YUMMY!) and went to a friend of the family's to have a Christmas Eve Bible study and MORE eating and talking ^^ We spent the night at the friend's house--it was lovely.

In the morning, we went to the Christmas service.  I (and three other) were first timers at the church and HAD TO GET UP IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CHURCH TO SAY A FEW WORDS.  I didn't really know what to say and the others were speaking in Tagalog so I didn't have any type of reference of what should be said.  That was awesome.  Then everyone came around to shake our hands.  The church was SO FRIENDLY.  It was great.  AND THEN we ate again :D

In the afternoon there was a bowling tournament between a few Filipino churches.  I am not a bowler and decided to sit this one out.  Well...from about 3-630p I was bowling.  Girls against girls--we played against the Seoul team.  They were quite good.  The first set I got 99 (not bad for a person who is not a bowler).  The SECOND GAME I got a 46. Siiiiigh.  It was lots of fun though^^

My two friends and I started back home at about 9p...got to bed a little past 1a.  I can't explain (maybe I can, but that would take 20 pages) how wonderful a day it was.  I was just expected to cry a lot (I only cried a little) and the day turned out to be so great.  I met so many people and they were all so sweet.  I've made some new friends and all in all it was a awesome weekend.  My God will never leave me or forsake me (even on Christmas when my family is far away).

Deuteronomy 31:6

New International Version 

⁶ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ondol, how did I live without you?

The heating systems in Korean homes (I think most) are called ondol. They heat the floors and are completely wonderful^^ This is nice to come home to because it is getting quite chilly here. I have never lived in a place colder than the Pacific Northwest, so I find myself questioning the weather. "Are you kidding me?" being a popular one. Though it is humid in the summer, it is very dry in the winter (making it feel colder). I see so many of my students in these big, puffy down coats (adorable, btw) and I think it's probably time I invest in one, too. The mountains are lightly dusted with snow, a preview of whats to come in the lower city(?). I love the fall, but winter is perfectly wonderful because it is cold outside, but warm and cozy inside. Happy wintery season from Korea!

the people I work with

Okay, so I work in an all girls middle school 4 days a week and they are so precious to me.  Sometimes we have...HARD DAYS, but I really care for them^^  It's amazing how much you can care about people (hundreds of them) even though you may only exchange "hello" every once and a while, small chitchat or nothing at all (b/c of the language barrier--or maybe they just don't want to talk to me, okay, that may be it).  I'd say there are about...10-15 students that are fairly confident in their English and are not too afraid to talk to me (yay!).  The street does go both ways though; sometimes I am intimidated to talk to them.  What an honor to have the opportunity to be around and encourage this generation--they were made for greatness.

We (English teachers) were told at orientation that middle school is the "most difficult" grade to teach.  When I heard that I thought, "well, my first choice is elementary, so I don't have to worry about that..."  Well, here I am.  Students have to make a lot of adjustments from (relatively care-free) elementary school to middle school and then having to think about high school, which, in Korean is sometimes thought of as harder than college.  They must take an entrance exam for high school and in high school, they must take a VERY INTENSE exam for college.  AND on top of all of this, they are going through puberty.  This does not even include family life and friends.  Sometimes I think "what IN THE WORLD is going on with this girl?!" and then I am quickly reminded that I was not the most pleasant person to be around in middle school (or high school and some of college for that matter--just ask my mom.  Poor mom, what a trooper).  I think "why don't they just STOP talking?  It's WAY easier than arguing with me."  Then Callie reminds me that I found it necessary to argue with our mother even though I could have just kept my mouth shut.  Well, there is a reasonable explanation for that:  I was RIGHT and NEEDED my mom to understand that fact.  By the grace of God (and my mother) I am still alive today.

The gals who have a hard time listening: I have a fight in my spirit for them.  Of course, this is a bit easier to say when I am at home sipping my rosemary tea, BUT I must choose to fight and not stay angry, give up on or ignore them.
I am not fighting against them, but against their anger, depression, hopelessness, sorrow, fear, insecurity--something deeper than outward behavior (Ephesians 6:12).  And I GOT PICKED, hand picked to tell them the truth (Isaiah 61) about themselves:  they are beautiful because God made them--fact, no opinions aloud.  Their thoughts and ideas are important NOW, not just when they're older (1 Timothy 4:12).  They are not a mistake and they can do ANYTHING (Psalm 139:14 and Philippians 4:13).  There is the practical discipline side of this when students don't listen and definitely times when I just break down and cry (don't worry, I wait until they leave the classroom) because of the stress, but I persevere by the grace of God (and wisdom from friends and family).

Sometimes...okay, a lot of the time, we will do some sort of art project in English class (it's like an art class with an English speaking teacher ;).  There is something about art that let's people do whatever they want and it will be right.  "No! Blue?! Are you kidding? That's wrong!"--that doesn't happen.  I picked blue because I like it and if you don't like it, you can deal.  There is a freedom.  It's so fun to encourage them in their creativity--oh, my, they are SO creative.  It's fun to get to know them and encourage them in their future hopes and dreams (doctors, fashion designers, teachers, moms/wives, or one of my favorites and very close to home: undecided :) I don't know why, but for some reason society doesn't appreciate the "undecided."  Undecided is a great place to be--discover, explore, think...no pressure if you don't know what you want yet to do in college :D  I just feel like a big sister or aunt or SOMETHING.  Of course, some still laugh (a nervous, worried laugh) and quickly walk/run away from me when I try to talk to them (English can be intimidating, you know).  There you have it.  The people I work with.

Saturday Rest

Today, Christmasy Korea surrounds me and I LOVE IT. I'm in Hollys Coffee sketching with wonderful Christmas music being played in the background. I easily fall victim to distracting sights and sounds (I blame my awesome attention to detail) so I must turn to podi the ipod. Then it happens--sketching nothing in particular, I get lost in my drawing. Time slips away from me and before I know it I have a sketch in progress and a forgotten (now cold) americano. Saturdays have become my "day of rest"--a relaxing, no plans, Lord what do you want to do today?, get the laundry done (laundry and a movie is always wonderful) day. I hope you are all having a wonderful, relaxing Saturday. ^^