surprised, and a bit irritated, by grace

In coming back to Korea, I thought it would be kinda like the first time I came:
confusing (b/c I missed my family, but chose to move to Korea)
scary (b/c the future had so many unfamiliar and unknown things)
LOTS of crying

As my bus arrived in my city, it was (still is) confusing, a tiny bit scary, and the next few days had it's share of crying, but I realized something: It didn't feel like I was coming back to Korea (the land of wonder, mystery, excitement, and unknown), but coming back to, dare I say, "home." My second home, my home away from home. I saw the familiar bus terminal, coffee shops, family marts...I knew the routine of getting off the bus, going to the double doors on the right, coming out front, and getting a taxi to the far right of the terminal. Just the normal routine of getting home from the bus terminal--then it hit me--living in Korea had "normals" in it for me. There are a handful of things (taking the bus, taxi, grocery shopping, getting around town, walking to school, meeting up with friends...) that were very normal...this was comforting and not comforting, at the same time. "Wait," I thought. "how am I supposed to be miserable b/c I am away from my family if I am peacefully planning out my grocery shopping list, coffee dates with friends, and laundry/cleaning."
It's like I was irritated that the Lord has given me the grace to live life in Korea. Isn't that odd? I think my reasoning was: if you love, care, and miss someone, you will be miserable most of the time when you are apart. Like...your ache to be at home will paralyze your joy, peace, and overall desire to fully LIVE. Can I miss home and still thrive in Korea? Am I thriving now? Am I holding myself back from thriving because I've made up my mind that it doesn't make sense to live to the fullest when my heart hurts? Am I overusing the word "thriving"? ;)


I am still processing this (I've only been back for 11 days), but I am praying the Lord will give me more revelation of His peace and GRACE. I believe I can thrive here and the fact that I love and miss home, don't know Korean fluently and can't really remember street names cannot and WILL NOT make or break the fact that I am called to live life to the fullest. No matter where I am, not matter what I am going through--bad AND good, God is good and I get be loved by Him and love Him back. He is everything and I can do nothing without Him and EVERYTHING with Him^^ Siiiigh, but I still miss my family...but that's okay--it would be weird not to--THEY ARE AWESOME.  I'd post a picture of my family, but current family photos (and I mean all 15 of us together) are VERY valuable and rare--only to be introduced in Christmas cards form, not in blogs.

John 10:9-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. ¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Zephaniah 3:17

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷ The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

The other day when I was in America...

The other day when I was in America I realized a few things:
1. I am a pretty good cook, I'm getting better at drawing, but I tell you what, I am GREAT at being an American. I think every country's culture is like a song and dance and I didn't know I was even doing this song and dance until I came back from a land where I get the lyrics wrong, step on people's feet, and am just completely clueless most of the time. Then I stand back and watch people seamlessly step to the rhythm of the land--not just language, but little gestures, sounds, understanding etc. It's like they grew up watching people around them gracefully move through life to this song and dance in their heart--oh, wait, they did ;)
But, so did I. When I came back to the States it was like I could finally let out a sigh. A sigh of "ah, I know this dance." everything is so predictable. In the grocery store, conversation with people--even the flow of traffic along the 5. It's not like I know what's going to happen or that nothing surprises me, but I'm familiar with the type of unexpected.

2. I like talking to people and hearing their story. One of the hardest things about not knowing Korean fluently is not being able to chat with anyone I may come in contact with. I think it's just fun chatting with bank clerks, grocery store checkers, other customer in the store, people on the street. Small talk or deep conversation--I like it all. As long as there is weather, sports, holidays, food, and you (perfect stranger) I will be talking to you^^

3. I LOVE Big Train Chai, Dr. Pepper, bubble tea, Tim's Jalapeno chips, Metro Market's coconut white chocolate mocha, and my mom spaghetti and macaroni (they're bomb).

4. I have a wonderful church, great friends, and fantastic family. Homestretch in Korea, but, man--you guys are great and I miss you, Tacoma peeps :'(

5. It's confusing to be in a land you've wanted to be for so long, while at the same time, ache to be back home with loved ones.