Got in a fight yesterday--but, my uppercut is the Hope of Glory--so, game over.

 Two of my biggest insecurities are: 1. singing in front of people, and speaking Korean--veeeery scary^^  Well, yesterday I got to punch those two fears in the face.

My church was invited to go with some young adults from other churches on a day trip to Ganghwa Island.  There were 10 of us from my church that went on the trip. We were on the bus for about...4 hours (to) and 3 hours (from).  On the bus, the girls sat window side while the guys rotated seats about every 15 minutes.  And then we were divided into groups of four to get to know each other more.  This was a great because I think we would have just end up staying with our group of friends instead of getting to know others. Everyone that I talked to knew at least a little bit of English, but I am always telling people that we (foreigners) should be the one to speak their language, not vice versa--great, now I have to take my own advice, haha ;)  SO, I tried to speak a little Korean!  It was pretty funny, I think I said the same things over and over, and made heaps of mistakes, but it was fun and I think I got WAY MORE comfortable using the bit of Korean I know :D  --I actually started a blog that is purely Korean!
Ah, no--jk. That'll be the day ;)

On the way back home, we (each group) were supposed to pick a song and sing it to the others--"okay...we are in a group...it will be fine..."  Oh, and the foreigner in your group has to sing a solo --"WHAT?!?!"  Not only do I have to speak Korean, but I have to sing it, by myself, to a bus full of people, with a mic! I had two options: I could either reeeeaally insist on not doing it or...just go for it.  Well, I just went for it! It was jumbled and I forgot the tune :p and I'm sure my pronunciation was off--but it was actually pretty FUN! Idk what it is, but the idea of singing as a group and the solo seemed like a "no big deal," "this is  normal" activity  to everyone else...it was a pretty cool environment of "let's just have fun."  I really think it would have been looked at as odd if I didn't sing.  Korean culture, you are challenging me to be more chill and just do things without thinking so much about fear of failure :)

Fun, challenging, awkward, embarrassing, amazing day :D PTL.  Thankful for patience from others (it's not easy having a conversation with someone who looks 25, but speaks like a 2 year old ;), beautiful countryside walks, lovely company, teammates who told me I did a good job singing (haha, so gracious), fun treats (snack bag, reflection notebook, dinner). So blessed to be invited on this trip!

John 10:10

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Idk when this started, maybe when I decided to apply to FITny, but I don't fight the Lord as much when he tell me to trust him and that he loves me.  It has been easier to believe Him and when I believe Him in one area of my life...it's just...silly not to believe him for the others: school, job, finances, friendships, future--I think I took some major ground where fear would kinda dictate my actions and thoughts.  Not perfect, not brave in every situation BUT, wow, what peace I have that I have never had before--the Lord is a God a restoration and hope.  He is changing my heart and my mind^^

1 John 4:18

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Colossians 3:15

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁵ And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Thank you, Jesus!

8"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 

   neither are your ways my ways,” 
            declares the LORD. 
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
   so are my ways higher than your ways 
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55: 8-9

He really knows what he's talking about. Not only is he always right in timing and providing our every need--he knows what makes our hearts get excited.

Since I was 3 years old I had a natural talent for sketching.  By the time I was 5 I was winning sketch prizes from around the world--okay that was all a lie^^

I would try my hand at drawing when I was younger and my drawings would come out...well...let's just say, what I saw in my head and what ended up on my paper were not the same.  It was not until my freshman year of college that I really learned how to draw.  One of the most memorable classes I had was a drawing class at PLU. My professor told the class "I believe anyone can learn how to draw." I got SO excited, "even me?!" I thought.  From there I started working on my drawing skills (it's like a sport: practice and you get better). Does the image in my head match what ends up on paper? Not always, but more than before. :)

I've always enjoyed creating and designing things--whether it be cooking, dancing, floral design, sewing, drawing, kids art projects, interior design, jewelry, hair accessories. To start with a bunch of random material and create whatever I want--it's just so fun.

A few years back I decided I wanted to design wedding dresses. What better place to do this than New York, right? I applied to the Fashion Institute of Technology NYC and...my application was rejected. I thought this was God's way of telling me "well...you have no real talent for what you love and I think you need to pick another dream...maybe a nice, quiet office job." (to someone who enjoys working with their hands to create, this was a sad thought).  

I felt embarrassed of my "hobbies" since that was all they could ever be, I was a little upset at God, but knew he must be right--he is God, after all. 

These things that brought so much joy and hope were put on the back burner. It was like I was kidding myself for even thinking I was any good at this stuff. Like...me wanting/liking this was a joke.

A few years went by and I began to see the truth that FITnyc rejecting my application did not mean God was rejecting my dreams or that pursuing these things was frivolous.  It was a "wait--what?...you mean...I don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed about my love for design/creating things? And, actually God created me ON PURPOSE to pursue these things?!?! YES!" Since then I have been doing a little bit of floral design for friends' weddings, hair accessories, sewing, sketching, cooking--it has been great!

I had a bunch of loose college credits and thought I should make them mean SOMETHING. So, I finished my bachelors at UWT. After moving to Korea, maybe around November, I realized that formal teaching may not be a lifelong job for me.  So I began chatting with the Lord about what I should do and what do I want to do and what gets my heart excited and when does time fly by for me?  answer: when I am creating/designing (among other dreams I have: to be a wife, mother, friend to the friendless, servant to the broken, to take care of the poor and afflicted, to be a mother to orphans, to heal with the love and power of Jesus Christ, maybe, write children's books...and then some). 

I found this program at FITny: http://fitnyc.edu/2813.asp  I didn't know this was a full-time job or even that there was such a program.  Textile and surface design has SO many possibilities AND it just sounds really fun!  But...in order to be in the program, I have to apply...again. One word: humbling. 

Long story short (I know, it's already long, sooorry), I decided in...Decemberish I was going to apply, and, by the grace of God, I prepared and submitted my application and portfolio by February 1st. I was accepted a few weeks ago and in a few months, I am moving to New York to study textile/surface design!!!

This whole experience is teaching me that God's timing is perfect, he understands our hearts better than we ever will, he wants to finish the work he started in us (Philippians 1:6), he loves to bless his kids; I believe, being faithful to how the Lord created us brings glory to God. But, if I am waiting for certain hopes and dreams to come, I can stand on the truth that he is worthy to be trusted--throwing a fit when I am sick and tired of waiting is just a waste of time, I can choose to have the joy of the Lord in all circumstance--if I choose ;) process is just as valuable and rich as an "arrival" points (whatever "arrival" points really are...manmade markers of achievement, perhaps? Not cool). He never withholds from his kids.  

Life can be overwhelming, death can be confusing, injustice can be appalling.  I don't know the "whys" of everything, but what I do know is that God is good. He gave us a free will that we would have the choice to love him or not--and the "or not" has risk of us seriously hurting others. But if we choose him, what a full life we have--in any and all walks of life. Not that it will always be easy, but that we will always have a God who will carry us through with the most powerful love in the world (Romans 8:38-39). And that we get to love Him in return--what an honor.  

That's my excited, crazy, are-you-kidding-me,-Lord?! news :)